|
The Treadmill -- A cautionary tale
Mayer Shevin
There once was a man with weak
legs. A team of experts was called in to decide how to treat him.
The most expert of the experts suggested, and consensus was quickly reached,
that the man should spend most of his day walking on a treadmill.
Things went well for a
week or so, but the man got bored and decided to get off. The experts
decided to place the treadmill in a little room, so that when he was walking
on it, there would be no place else to go.
The next day, after a few
minutes on the treadmill, the man decided to sit down. However,
sitting on a treadmill is very dangerous; he was knocked over and he bruised
his head on the bar. In order to insure the man's safety, the team
of experts decided to handcuff the man's right hand to the side bar
of the treadmill. This would prevent him from sitting down.
Unfortunately, he tried
to sit down anyway, and badly injured his right shoulder. The team
of experts decided to handcuff his left hand to the front bar of the treadmill
as well; then he certainly would not sit down. This time, the
man knelt on the treadmill, wrenched both of his shoulders, and had his
knees and chin badly scraped by the belt.
The experts arranged for
additional staff to be hired to stand on either side of the treadmill when
the man was placed on it, and to bring him back to his feet whenever
he tried to kneel. However, the new staffpersons quickly developed
bad backs from hoisting the man back to his feet; they began to devise
their own ways to keep him from kneeling, which the experts felt were both
cruel and unprofessional.
Finally, the team of experts
called in an outside expert, more expert tha any of the other experts
already involved. This expert chided them for their lack of expertise.
"Stovepipes!" he said. "Put his legs in stovepipes, and then kneeling
will no longer be a problem." They did this, and kneeling was no
longer a problem.
* * * * *
A friend of the man's came
to see him one day, and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk.
"You must be crazy!" said the staffpersons and the experts. "Why,
in order to get him to walk, it takes two people holding him up, his
hands in handcuffs and his legs in stovepipes!" And the man's
friend was chased away and ordered not to meddle in the affairs of experts
again.
(c) 1987
|